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July 24, 2007



Terrific! It has an emotional punch in each scene. The time span is huge for such a short piece. You've written efficiently with impact. I'm so glad you are branching out to short story. Can't wait to read more.

elizabeth cobblah

Anne Lamott says how important it is to write into the emotional core of your story which is what you are doing here, enhancing it all with the power of smells! Your work is charged!


So poignant, Denise!
And heartfelt...
The true fear and emotion comes through so powerfully.
Thanks for writing this piece.


Wonderful story - I am anxious to read more! What was your trigger for this riveting story?

Reminded me of a painting created by the Cambodian artist who exhibited this year at Fenn. The painting that was outlawed by the Cambodian government - it showed a mother and child crouched in a very dark and dirty alley while one of the government's white SUVs was parked nearby on the streets.
When I get home, if you like, I'll try to dig up the title!


I think you call up strong emotions. The mother and daughter need names.


I like this beginning. A small, nit-picky point: if she hears rain on the roof, she has to be in the attic, not the basement. She could hear the rain in the gutterpipe, though.

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