While doing some inventory I found an unmarked file cabinet deep in the annals of the Real Life Stories archives. Lo and behold! Lost Real Life Stories! They're quite short, but haven't been heard by many people in many years. Enjoy.
#1
Toby (the black labrador retriever from RLS Vol. 1) had what we referred to as an 'iron stomach'. On several occasions, over the course of just the night, he ingested so many things that would otherwise kill a dog. Here is a laundry list of just a few of the items:
- a package of 200 napkins. 95% of them gone by morning, the rest strewn about the living room
- ant poison. manufactured in the metal disks about as big as a Ritz cracker. cracked open like an otter eating a clam, the poison was licked clean.
- 2 pounds of unsweetened chocolate. from what I understand, chocolate is toxic to dogs. not old Iron Insides
- a television remote controller. alright, so he didn't eat it entirely. but for the rest of his years, we were reminded of his antics because the controller was dented, scratched, and the rubber buttons were misshaped (the 'timer' button was gnawed off).
- $5. my lunch money. I'd heard of other people..."searching" for it when it came out. I thought to myself "forget it, man. it's gone."
- a lit cigarette. dad and I were at the Byam elementary school after hours one night and a custodian was enjoying a cigarette. he was holding it by his side and Toby nabbed it.
I should also mention that on one particular occasion I figured out that Toby vomited in the key of "D". he'd eaten some ice cream too quickly and regurgitated it on the foyer floor. I quickly ran to the piano and found the tone of the sound he vocalized as he threw up. it was a "D".
#2
When we were very very young, diaper rash was treated with Desitin. The product now-a-days may have been changed, but back then it had a very medicinal odor. One day, while after being treated, my sister grabbed a hold of the tube of Desitin, found Fancy the cat (see RLS Vol. 2) and proceeded to apply a more-than-necessary helping of Desitin to the scruff of her neck. After over 20 years until her last day, Fancy still smelled like Desitin. But it just could have been that 'old cat' smell.
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