Real Life Stories from the ASPCA, Volume II

"The Flying Cat (That's Not Laundry)"

Stardate, Nineteen Eighty...Something.

Location, Hall Road, Chelmsford, Massachusetts.

Fancy exceeded the life expectancy of her breed. She outlived Toby on either side. She lived to be roughly 22 years old and could really hold a grudge.

It was the Sexauer family's tradition to spend Easter with friends in Ramsey, NJ. This fact comes into play later in this Real Life Story. It was also the Sexauer family's tradition to throw their dirty laundry down the basement stairs - resulting in said clothing to be closer to the washer/dryer without having to traverse a flight of stairs. This fact also comes into play and coincides with the previous fact.

And I'm sure you've all done that before; taken something that needed to be in another place, and instead of carrying it there, you just....threw it. It's the basic principle behind laundry chutes or third story windows. "Matt, put your laundry down in the basement!" No problem. I'll just stand at the top and toss it down. They never said WHERE in the basement, but it got down there. Why nitpick?

Well, our fateful day happens to be the same day that the Sexauer family is to travel to Ramsey, NJ to visit friends. It is Easter weekend. Good Friday to be exact. But if you were to ask Fancy, it was anything but a good Friday.

Everyone is running about, to and fro, trying to get the car packed and on the road before the dreaded Easter Weekend Rush debacle of the mid-1980's. The scene not unlike the McAllister family on the day of their departure in "Home Alone". The first one.

T-Minus 00:05:00 and counting.

Luggage: Check
Directions: Check
Timers on the lights inside: Check
Doors to the house locked: Check
Bungee cords on the trash cans: Check
Cat in the basement:..........

"Matt, go run inside and put the cat in the basement."

And with that, I was off. I had a deadline looming over me. We had to get on the road, so I had to act quickly.
Step 1; find the cat! Where was she? She could be anywhere. Luckily, she was easily found under the baby grand piano.
Step 2; put the cat in the basement. No problem. Set her down at the door, give her a nudge, and I'm on my way.

There I was, standing at the top of the stairs. As a human, I'm a creature of habit. We all are. And something came over me. Here I am, standing at the top of the stairs, and the instructions to me were to 'take something and put it down in the basement'. They never said where in the basement.....
Instinctively, I take what's in my hands, cock back, and toss and release.

...

....

.....

It wasn't until she was in mid-air halfway down the stairs that I realized what was in my hand wasn't laundry...but cat. And there was nothing I could do.

I threw the cat down the stairs. An entire flight of stairs. What awaited her at the bottom? A fresh pile of laundry to soften the blow? Perhaps even the crap shot security of carpeting? Maybe even someone to catch her?

Nope.

Plywood. A hard, plywood landing. I think I heard her land safely. I'm not quite sure.

Back to the car; "Is the cat in the basement?"

"You could say that..."

My story is roughly 20 years old. Fancy held a grudge to the very end. Where, in fact, on the very day of her passing my family was away at work. I had a half-day at school and used the second half of the day as an opportunity to check up on Fancy. I was told she was in the dining room, collapsed on the floor and under a blanket, waning in and out of consciousness. I arrived home to find her lifeless. eyes wide open and tongue hanging out. I called mom and my sister Elizabeth to tell them the news. That was the end of Fancy.

My sister had grown particularly attached to the cat and to calm her feelings, Kate and I deciided to take her into Boston to get her mind off of the cat's passing. And that was when my cell phone rang, mom on the other end;
"Matt."
"Yes?"
"I thought you said she was dead."
"She was."
"Then why is she awake on the couch?"

To the very end, I tell you. Fancy got the last laugh. She heard me come in through the door that afternoon and immediately thought back 20 some-odd years. Layed there with her eyes wide open and tongue pushed all the way out, "Throw me down the stairs, will you? Here's payback..."

Stay tuned for Real Life Stories from the ASPCA Volume III, "Kitty Road Trip".

Comments

[Fitz]

Great story--and a lot of fun. Glad to have you back on the trail!

[Janet]

Very fun!
What a treat to see your name back in the fold here!!!
And as always, can't wait for more of your creative tales!!

[elizabeth cobblah]

Fun story!! Really brings membership in a family to life. You have a fresh airy way of story telling that gives space to the reader to both be there and be elsewhere---to land where he or she wants. I wish the cat had had your laundry to land on of course!!

[Elizabeth]

Such fun to read! We recently adopted a kitty. Neither my husband or I had cats as pets when we were young and the only mammallian pet in this family have been pet rodents. We adore our new kitty but very sadly, two vets have advised that there is something anatomically wrong with Henry. I'll spare you the details! The whole mess is heartbreaking. I am glad that Fancy has or has had such a great human family as yours!

Did you, Kate, and Elizabeth have a good time in Boston - considering that you were in mourning, albeit not really?!

[Sue]

I absolutely love that early line about the cat holding a grudge--what would happen if you started with it? The idea of that cat faking death just to get you is truly delicious! What fun!

[julia]

Thank you for these stories; they remind me of my childhood pets.