Annie quickly scanned the man's face to see if this was for real. These days you hear on the news of guys who impersonate the police just so they can rob or rape someone. Of course, she continued to think, how would I know if an FBI badge is real or fake anyway? And, it's only 8 o'clock in the morning. What criminal goes through such efforts at that time of day? Out here in the middle of nowhere...with no neighbors around?
Oh dear, this train of thought wasn't going well in Annie's head. She quickly thought, what possibly could the FBI want around here? Did one of the roommates drive off and do something stupid late last night? Had they made too much noise for this neighborhood any time recently even though they really had no neighbors? Oh, man, she thought, was it her Barn Sales that were a problem?
She knew they weren't on the up-and-up business-wise...you were supposed to have permits and zoning regulations; but no one had complained and she only opened the barn for business on weekends. Well, unless someone stopped by and she was home and they wanted to take another look at some particular item they'd seen on a recent Saturday that they realized they really, really needed. But, was that against a law? And, if any of these things were under question...why not the local police, why the FBI?!
THE FBI GUY
Annie looked up at the FBI guy and noticed that he was rather handsome with his salt and pepper hair and chin strap type beard of the same colors. Now that she saw him more closely she was a little ticked that he called her, "Ma'am" though! Ha! He was easily ten years older than her, what a nerve!
What the heck was she doing even thinking thoughts like this at this time? Besides, she was just not the type who would ever be interested in someone who was involved with any kind of government agency, let alone the FBI! That was just not her world.
She concentrated on his badge and realized that it seemed like an hour had gone by while he stood there with that thing still hanging from his hand.
"Hmm, so that's what an FBI badge looks like?" Annie thought. She started to speak and as she did she reached for the upheld badge as if wanting to take a closer look at it.
"Is there some kind of problem?" she asked as she reached to look more closely at the badge.
What Annie forgot was that in her hand was the champagne flute, with water in it. Right at that moment, as she reached for the badge to take a closer look, the water proceeded to arc out of the glass and into the air directly at Mr. FBI guy. Water splashed onto his neck and his breast pocket from where he'd pulled his badge. In her embarassment Annie proceeded to wipe at his shirt as she babbled, "Oh, I'm so sorry! This is just water, don't worry! I just put it in this champagne glass for the fun of it this morning."
She probably babbled other things, but she was too flustered to know what she was saying as she backed away from trying to dry his shirt. Just touching him was probably some federal offense, she thought.
Trying to recover, Annie made a silly face and quietly said, "Sorry about that. It is just water though."
Mr. FBI Man sort of smiled at her and said, "That's all right. It's better than spraying mace at me! That's happened before." He continued, "I thought perhaps you were having a Sunday morning cocktail ... perhaps a Mimosa without the orange juice?!"
Annie chuckled with him, "Yes, a very watered down Mimosa. No orange juice or champagne. Just water."
Trying to recover herself, Annie stepped back and asked, "So what brings an FBI guy out this early on a Sunday morning? Besides getting a free little shower here?"
Mr. FBI guy's face returned to an on-duty and serious as he reached into his little fannypack.
Annie quickly thought, "Who wears fannypacks anymore?!"
But she kept that to herself.
Mr. FBI guy held up a small bone in front of her said, "A visitor to the park found this bone directly behind this property. It looks as if it could be a small animal or perhaps the hip bone of a small baby or child. Because it was found on Federal properties, the FBI is involved. Do you know anything about this bone?"
"Do I know anything about this bone?" Now there was a question that made her laugh inside. Her friend's Ross Perot voice quickly came to the forefront of her mind at that moment.
"Excuse me, Lil Missy. Do you know anything about this bone? How about this rock? What do you know about this stick?"
She giggled to herself at the silliness of such a question. Ross would have a great time with that line! Quickly Annie pulled her thoughts together, "Phew!" It was a relief that it had nothing to do with her barn sale business, or her roommates activities, or anything "illegal" that they might be held responsible for. But as she looked at the bone she knew that she had something to reveal to Mr. FBI guy and she wasn't sure how it was going to come across.
Annie took a deep breath, said, "Well, this might have something to do with it," and motioned to Mr. FBI guy to follow her toward her garden which was on the other side of the barn. While walking there he made the comment, "You know, of course, that this property is going to be turned over to the National Park when your landlady dies."
She nodded, all of the sudden saddened that such a beautiful property would never really be lived in again by a family or roommates, like she lived with now. No more music and cooking and partying at midnight. No more gardening that rich soil and enjoying all that grew in it. No one would know the deep satisfaction of chopping wood for all the Rumford fireplaces in the house, or how to set the fire in them so they burned just right. Or, waking up to a full white-out Nor'Easter, with no plow to shovel the driveway and thereby everyone had to stay put and enjoy the storm from inside the big old house...with fires burning, music going, and a big turkey cooking in the oven. No one would be able to enjoy the beauty of the old barn, or Annie's barn sales, or dancing in the barn surrounded by antiques and knick-knacks like the couple from just yesterday.
Anyway, she tried not to hold it against Mr. FBI guy. It wasn't his fault that that time would come and well, she wasn't sure how this next part was going to go over either, especially after her little faux-pas with throwing the water at him from the champagne flute!
They came to the great garden, she pointed to the compost heap that sat to the side and Annie started to ramble again.
"I know that this bone looks like a human hip bone, but it occured to me that it looks an awful lot like part of a turkey carcass. And, I realize that I'm admitting that I'm not a perfect organic farmer here, but we throw everything into this compost heap. I mean everything. Why just last week while out on a hike in the woods over there we found part of a lobster claw sitting out on a rock. It was a red claw from being cooked at our house earlier in the summer. It looked really funny sitting in the middle of the woods like that, then we realized it was probably from here." She pointed to the compost heap again.
"We've seen crows come by and peck away at the compost, often flying away with something hanging out of their beaks. Who knows? They probably picked up part of one of our old turkey carcasses and then dropped it. Or, we've seen coyotes around here too, and they love picking at all the stuff that we put in the compost."
Annie realized that she was sounding like a lapsed and saddened alcoholic who had disappointed her AA sponsor for falling off the wagon, when actually all she was saying was that they put meat and fish carcasses and bones into their garden compost. By the way, isn't that something that the early Native Americans did to help their crops? As she remembered that she felt a bit redeemed.
So, she shrugged and kind of giggled as she admitted to Mr. FBI guy somewhat embarassedly, "So, that's what I know about that bone and where I think it came from."
Mr. FBI guy poked around the compost pile, looked around the area, kind of lifted his shoulders as if how could he not believe her story, and said, "Hmmm....hmmm...So you put things like turkey bones and lobster shells in here and you think that this bone that was found on the trail is from here? Hmmmm...."
He turned the bone around in his hands while scanning the area. He then wrote a few notes in a little notebook that he pulled out of that fannypack. Annie could only imagine what they said.
"I gotta say you might have something there. I'll turn in my report and see if they buy it." Mr. FBI guy's eyes sort of twinkled as he looked at Annie. "By the way, this is one of the most beautiful gardens I've seen in a long time."
"Thanks, will you put that in your report too?" Annie giggled, this time out loud and partly out of relief that the anxiety of the earlier encounter had passed. "Would you like some fresh picked cherry tomatoes...for breakfast? After giving you a bath with my morning champagne it's the least I can offer you. I notice it's all dried up now, too." She said while pointing to his shirt.
As Annie picked some cherry tomatoes and shared them with Mr. FBI guy as she said to him, "Do you know what they call a group of turkeys?
Mr. FBI guy chuckled and said, "No, but how about a "trot of turkeys"? Or, perhaps a "platter of turkeys," especially at Thanksgiving! Or, in our case here, a "compost" of turkeys?""
Annie laughed and said, "No, but I like all of those. You'd be good at this. For some reason it's a "rafter of turkeys."
"Hmmm," Mr. FBI guy caught her eye and asked, "And, what would a group of you be called?"
"Oh dear," Annie blushed, "I have no idea. After our introduction this morning maybe a "splash of Annies?" Or, perhaps a "babble of Annies?!"
"Oh, I don't know about that. Annie, is it?" He looked at her softly. "I'd say more of a "laughter," or perhaps a "charm", or maybe even a "garden." How about that one?"
"I like that one," Annie smiled.
As Mr. FBI guy headed off to leave, she shouted out boldly, "Any time you want me to help you crack another case, just come on by!"
He smiled and waved to her as he headed back into the woods from where he came. "I just might do that," he called back to her. "Or, maybe I'll just come back and see how that "garden of Annies" is doing!"
"Hmmm..." Annie thought to herself as she watched him walk away. "Maybe an FBI guy wouldn't be too bad to get to know after all."
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